She could feel her hollow smile fade and was powerless to stop it. Her mother knew, how could she not? Elsa had changed. Ever since the accident with Anna Elsa had been this perfect little girl who did what she was told, kept all of her emotions locked away in her chamber of isolation and threw herself into her studies so she wouldn’t be a burden on anyone else.
What the blonde had meant to say when she opened her mouth was:
Of course mother, I know it very well, why do you ask?
But what came out was completely different.
” How can I be a good queen to these people when I can’t even be a good big sister..?
Seeing that smile fade just confirmed her suspicions. Elsa had been lying to her. And with a sigh, the Queen set her cup and saucer down on the coffee table, turning more towards her daughter. And the question hurt her even more, made her want to hold her child, take her hands, just anything other than having to sit there doing nothing. But Elsa wouldn’t like it. Elsa wouldn’t allow it.
“Sweetheart,” she sighed, her expression almost pained. “You are a good big sister. You’ve spent all this time trying to keep Anna safe, haven’t you? You love her, don’t you? And you shall be a wonderful Queen one day, I know it. But not if you keep bottling things up all the time. You must work through these things, darling.”
“I’m doing well mother.” She had her best practiced smile on as she replied. Elsa was certainly well, if you counted throwing herself into unnecessary amounts of studying and frequent panic attacks, well.
At least for the time being her nightmares had subsided and she had gotten a good bit of sleep, which comparatively meant at least 4 hours to her normal 2.
Idun lowered her cup a little, settling it in her lap. She watched her daughter for a moment, wondering what had happened to the little girl who would speak freely of her problems, and who would come to her parents when needed.
“Sweetheart, you know you can tell me anything, don’t you?” she murmured. Idun had good reason to believe Elsa was telling her another ‘fib’.
Gingerly the younger woman took the offered tea cup, thanking her mother in return as she brought it to her lips for a small sip.
“I’ve been keeping to my studies mostly. So far I’ve earned nothing but top marks.”
And by keeping to her studies she meant that she hadnt left her room in forever, keeping herself distracted with her work. She found little time for anything else.
“I wasn’t asking about your studies, love,” Idun replied quietly after a moment. “Although I’m very proud of you for doing well–but I’m more concerned with how you're doing.”
Taking a small drink from her own tea, the Queen relaxed her posture, hoping that Elsa would follow suit.
Both parents were worried about the eldest princess, worried she’d wear herself out.
Elsa’s expression fell the more she thought about Anna. It was all her fault after all, that they couldn’t see each other. She was the one that had almost killed her little sister, she had no one to blame but herself, and that ate away at her daily. Somedays more than others.
The young woman entered the room and took a seat in one of the plush arm chairs present.
“How did that trade agreement go? The one from the other day?”
Idun spotted the look on her daughter’s face, but didn’t draw attention to it. What could she say after all this time that she hadn’t already? Instead, she made herself busy with pouring out two cups of tea, handing one to Elsa, and settling herself in a chair.
“There you are, love. Very well, as far as your father’s told me. You’d be better asking him about it though,” she said with a smile. “And how have you been, sweetheart? I feel like we haven’t had a chat in so long.”
“I’m sorry I snuck out of bed and then fibbed, Mother. I just really miss her."
The younger woman kept in step with her mother as they approached the sitting room. “Years upon years and it never gets any easier..”
"You are forgiven,” Idun replied softly. Truly, it had been the smallest lie - although Elsa still referring to them as ‘fibs’ made her smile. “And I understand, love.”
Opening the door, the Queen found the fire lit and tea already set out, waiting to be poured. The staff did know her routine well.
“And I also know that Anna misses you too,” she said softly, gesturing Elsa inside.
“Alright, that sounds good. Your secret is safe with me, Mother.”
Elsa walked to her mother’s side and smiled warmly. “Can you make that special tea that always puts me in a good mood?”
“Of course, love,” Idun replied, offering Elsa a warm smile in return. “My sitting room is all set up for a spot of tea before bed anyway - one extra cup isn’t too much of a hassle.”
The Queen was almost elated that her daughter had agreed.
“I..” She let out a sigh, no use, her mother always saw through her fibs. “Its just. Anna singers herself to sleep sometimes….I really miss her, and, I wanted to listen. That’s all Mother..I’m sorry, I’ll go back to my room.”
“Oh, Elsa, sweetheart,” the Queen sighed, wanting nothing more than to take her in her arms and comfort her. But such things were from a time that was dead. And so instead, she made her daughter an offer. “Here, walking around the halls will surely have woken you up a little. Why don’t you have a cup of tea with me? I won’t tell your father if you don’t.”
“Oh. Mother. Hello. I was just…I was…I wanted a glass of water..?”
“That doesn’t exactly sound convincing, love. Care to tell me the truth?”
It was her mother! It was!
Elsa’s heart warmed, and her eyes filled with tears of joy. She didn’t know if she should speak, and then her name was spoken.
“Mama?”
Normally she doesn’t refer to her parents as anything other than “Mother” and “Father” except in extremely emotional cases, like this one.
That one word was all it took. She may still not remember everything, but she remembered her family. In one quick movement, she wrapped her arms around her daughter, the one she’d been speaking to as a stranger. Idun let the tears flow freely, laughing.
“Oh, Elsa,” she said, stepping back ,and cupping the blonde’s cheek in one hand. “Oh, darling, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
Elsa lead the older woman down the hall, and into a large room. Pictures clung to the wall as far up as possible. Images of the late king and queen, Elsa and Anna as children, and ancestors alike.
“This is my family….perhaps yours as well..?”
Quick on the blonde’s heels, Idun froze before the portrait. Taking careful steps forward, she reached out a hand, before pulling it back, her fingertips not quite brushing the paint. Eyebrows pulling together, she broke eye contact with the faces of the painting, staring down at her hands. A flash of recognition had run through her.
“Agdar,” she murmured, looking back up at him. “Anna.” Next, her eyes flicked to the tiny redhead. And then they settled on the blonde. “And…and Elsa?”