nixreginam:

Death seemed sweeter than Life at that moment. She had the means to end
her life. She could do it that night. However, she knew that was utterly selfish
of her. What would her death achieve? The truth of the matter was, Elsa craved
death, but she also craved LIFE. She wanted to live in the sun. She wanted to
live her dreams and achieve everything she had the ambition to do. She wanted
to prove people wrong ; she wanted to prove to her father that she was much 
more than the monster he thought she was.

    However, even with these dreams, she did not know how much longer she could stand this. She was ready to fall off the cliff and into the darkness. The brief moments of freedom she had when she snuck out in the middle of the night weren’t enough. She needed more. She wanted to go on a ship and sail ; she wanted to see the world and then come back to a palace whose doors and windows were wide open. She wanted to go down and meet her people so she could speak to them herself. However, the longer she stayed here in the shadows, the sweeter the darkness became.

   God help her, she wished she was strong enough to fight.
   She wished she had enough bravery to go up to her father
   and speak to him about this, regardless of the consequences.
   Once more, she vowed to become stronger. She needed to be
   stronger.

   Her sobs echoed around the room and even as her discomfort
   grew, she could not move away from her mother’s arms. She
   had no strength to. She feared that if she did, she would fall.

            ❝I want f-freedom. I want sunshine. I want to f-feel the ocean breeze upon my skin.
              I want to see the w-w-world. I want the palace windows open just so the sun can
              brighten my prison!

I want to be stronger so I can be a Queen, not a meek
princess. I want to… I need to feel HUMAN. LOVED.❞

At those words, those oh so desperate words, Idun bit back
a sob of her own. Such simple things, such things her child
should have been experiencing her whole life. Sunshine, love.
So utterly simple. How could they have deprived her of these
things? How had they gone so wrong? Done so much wrong
to their eldest child, to the girl who would always light up their
world and share their hearts? Their darling, bright, beautiful
girl who had once been so happy? 

     ❝My Elsa, my darling girl,❞ she murmured, still desperately
       running her down the platinum hair. ❝I’m so sorry, love, I’m
       so sorry. I don’t know about travelling the world–but I–I will
       get you sunshine, and the ocean breeze. I promise you. My
       heart is full of love for you, if only I had shown it better. I love
       you so much, and so does your Papa, and so does Anna.
       You are so unbelievably loved, my sweetheart. Calm down
       now, I will help you. I promise. I promise. Hush, don’t cry. I’m
       here now.❞

The Queen couldn’t even blame her husband anymore–she
had given up the fight a long time ago. Trusted in him, when
her children needed their mother. She had been a terrible mother,
the very worst, because her own flesh and blood didn’t believe
she was loved. And it was their fault, all their fault. They had
concentrated so long on keeping both their daughters safe
from the outside world, that they had just made things worse.
So much worse.